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01:02pm 10/08/2004
mood: gloomy

yeah well right now im in florida ... i moved member all my entries on how i didn't want to lol! yeah well i rather be in Jersey but i got to live with what i have... know i start fucking school tomorrow thats a huge drag i mean i picked good classes and im joining volleyball and softball this year but i have 3,000 kids in my schoool and im scared...and also i loose a month of SUMMER yeah they have a different system... i talk to Sean everyday lol! i love him alot more then ever.

Our stuff came yesterday and the company we rented from SUX they did a shitty job of taking care of our stuff and bringing it here (they were late) yeah so my room has a lot of work to be done to it. FUN

i just wish i was home ... right this minute i would be at seans uh huh playing video games sleeping eating laying in bed with him ECT ECT ECT thats sounds like heaven to me right now... plus im really lonely cause i dont know anyone and honestly i dont want to know anyone i liked my life in jersey ... iknow i didn;t have alot friends there and i can start over here but i was happy know i miss the people i care about i dont need to name names you know who you are.

Adios Bye  i have to go write later



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i feel nothing   
11:35pm 26/07/2004
mood: numb

i feel nothing... im numb and cold i can feel the hate and paranoid that had flowed within me arise... deep depression awaits at the foot of my door, Now do i let it enter or do i close this wound?


12:23am 17/07/2004
mood: moody
i have not wrote in here for a long time... im just at home sitting here and im really hungry i did not eat all day... ouch belly hurts... sean is at ozzfest right now and sat morning we leave to baltimore which is basically today its after 12
huh i move in 2 weeks gone to florida, westpalm. it may be beautiful but im gonna miss it here and my loving boyfriend
i love him so much its gonna break my heart so bad.. ill see him but not like now... im with him all day everyday its going to be a big change.
im tired bye
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living a lie   
10:10am 16/06/2004

im committed to a life that is not worth living
But i await for the day that it is, i want to be loved for me and not the person i made myself be in mistake to be free .... i want you to know i made a mistake of living a lie to be excepted into their minds to be thought of and known.    i feel as if i have sold my own soul to the devil himself. i cant deny that im a human inside. i sin like the rest and there is nothing to stare at. im not special because i dont want to be. I keep the God i love and praise to myself i make their religion mine by doing the things i that i believe are right in his eyes. i keep my mouth shut and dont say a word ...  its (shhhh) all the way without a look in those eyes of the souls that have been sold but were never returned . i could live in a lie or the truth but i dont really think there is any truth left ... there are to many wrongs to see the right in anything anymore. i could just leave and run away again ... but i dont want to hide i rather love the life i live then to live in  a lie.

??? No Name???   
10:19am 15/06/2004

You thought that it was better, to mourn your way through life              

make up little stories to make others think twice

I do not feel your pity that you cast on me

ive been there once and i wont let your words feed on me

Why do you feel sad over the past that had been done

You live life now for tuture

so dont let the demons come in


continued (not done... bell is going to ring).                                              

quote he on this   
10:12am 15/06/2004

"I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and gasps 'Oh look at that' then whoosh, and I'm gone... and they'll never see anything like it ever again.. and they won't be able to forget me ever"

-Jim Morrison

this is one of my favorite quotes that Jim Morrison had spoke i thought i would share it

09:58am 15/06/2004
mood: mellow


Im in a decent mode today....considering everything is going a little downhill right now. ill get through it ... so its okay... i just hope that florida is a good place and that sean and i stay close to one another and keep our love pure.

on 21st --- that is my last day of school and then i go to Washington State on the 26... To visit My close friends (family). They moved there last august ...and now im moving in august not there though lol! And dont think im exciting about moving....cause allot of me doesn't want to ... i mean im leaving my soul mate... of course ill see him but you know not Every day after school and during the weekend ... It is going to be so hard but ill try my best. i hope everyone is nice and i make friends .... lol !

Well anyway... im hungry wow! lunch is next period ....

lets see i only have to take my                                        spanish...english... and math final ...  that shouldn't be that stressful i hope well only the math one is... Blah!!!!

i said ello and now i say goodbye, adios

10:13am 11/06/2004
mood: crushed

Im moving in august to Florida .... this really sux. i feel as if i will be miserable there i mean i wont have sean and ill be living far away from him and my family ...(Dad, Jackie) other than that i really dont care ... no one else is close to me becca moved and im going to see her so she is already far away ... but Danielle my cousin and jackie my friend im never gonna get to see them as much...I just want to be happy and moving away from the few people that i love  is not going to accomplish any of that.

As if many people care anyway... they may say they do but uhh i dont hang out or really talk to any of them ... there is no concrete relationship .... But i guess you go through live with mostly enemies at your side right?

im not gonna be here for seans and my Anniversary 1 Year .... im going to fly up here and spend time with him ... i mean how fucked up is that ???

other than all that shit ive been ok ... im just trying to tell myself that its really there (REality) and not just my amgination. Sean and i are great WE love eachother and i hope we can get through florida shit... i mean if we are together after that there will be no stopping us : ) ~~~~~~


01:15pm 06/05/2004
mood: indescribable

I came home early to go shopping for mothers day... i got her ( mom ) two precious moments and candels and a huge card... i was gouchy this morning but i cheered up and im having a good day... i have to call my grandfather because i need to get the plane ticket to Washington State :) i miss becca and abe and daniel and miss becky soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooo Much...
i cant wait to see them. but im going to miss Sean. :( thats the sad part

Well lets see... Joey and Sean are all weird i guess thats all the bad news but what does it matter anymore ... Truely if i didn't get in the picture they would be fine... im not blaming myself because they can definitly work it out... and i told them so i cant do anything ... not up to me anyway

Im listening to The cranberries Lol yes again ... i listen to them all the time.. when im home  i just cant get enough... well 


10:37am 02/05/2004
mood: crushed

Well lets see

    Life is Confusing all the little ups and downs spinning around im all dizzy inside "Yah know?" I wish i had friends not just people i tlk to but people i love ... I Dont have any of that here its useless even trying .... Of course i have Sean, the love of my life ... i love him to death but i do need to have people to talk to that i like and he likes ... i hate this shit i wish sometimes that tomsriver was baltimore like i would have the same school same life Have Sean and My FRIENDS (Danielle, Becca, Abe, Steve, Micah,......ect) Thats all i want and i know thats way to much to ask for. 

What else....

Oh on April 30, 3004 it was Seans and my 6 months... :)

I went to New York with my father and we went to the Bronx Zoo then Ground Zero Then conney island that place was really Ghetto so we left and went to find a hotel room.... that had to be the shittest hotel ive ever been in lol! But it was great to be with my father... It made me really happy :)


Well thats all ...

The Sound of poetry!   
02:46pm 23/04/2004

Today was a very good day!!!!!!!

Sean didn't go to school which made me upset... :( but i made it by ... The periods went by fast and i failed my math test lol! great thing huh i hate geomtry ... usally that would ruin my day but health was fun. and i did nothing in English ... then i was out no school til Monday.!!.

Im listening to the Cranberries Wow they are amazing ...I dedicate DREAMS to sean i love him sooooo much .... i never thought i would love someone as much as i do now. It makes me happy and not depressed anymore like i used to be. Its also hard to write now because my poetry helped me escape but i have nothing to escape from... which feels good. Life is good i know who i love who my enemies are and friends are .... something that i didn;t know before.

Everything that happens is ment to be. Forgive And forget .... Give and Receive ... Love and be loved back


09:52am 22/04/2004
mood: touched

I was thinking yesterday ... right before i was about to go to bed... well thats when i think the most anyway ... Maybe i should start over next year... its junior year and i would have 2 years until i would be going to college. I want to join sports well volleyball, basketball, and softball ... i gotta quit smoking which i will do. Then i can go and join clubs and just get active and fit at the same time. i want to show everyone what i really want to do and who i really am. In baltimore my whole life was sports until i moved here and i hung out in seaside and got chubby which i lost that weight lol! i Dont know i just want to have that kinda fun again ... it will never be like ggca though ...

Im in an okay mode today... im actually very happy and it feels good for once. i want to not change but improve my self for the better not because i dislike myself and i think it is a very good decision.

Oh i almost forgot.... My mom called my brother Bobby last night and my dad wanted to talk to me ... wow that was a suprizing one. i Have not talked to my dad since new years and its kinda messed up becuase we can tlk to eachother all the time its just he wont call me and i gave up on him. So anyway i was talking to him and he is going to come up here ( he live in Baltimore) and drop Bobby off with my mom and me and him are gonna go to new york and coney island. He wants to go to a Zoo. lol! But whatever we do im really happy that he has been thinking of me because i honestly thought he did not care one little bit about me. I was wrong. Its a teary subject if you know what i mean. My mom started to cry because it touched her. They dont talk and when they do i wouldn't call it tlking i would call it MisCommunication They dont comprehend anything that they say to eachother. lol its a joke . They've known eachother for like 21 years Divorced about 5 i think i dont know its been a while and my dad wont swallow it down and forgive her but whatever. They are both married so they should move on. I want it over Becuase my brother and i are always inbetween the shit. Well it will be fun and Sean will meet my father which im REALLY HAPPY ABOUT! the most.

Ill WRite in here soon(cough cough) like i ever do



4th period   
10:10am 20/04/2004
mood: energetic

I was Looking at Seans LJ and i saw that he took this test and thought it was cool and i took it. it is pretty accurate so why dont you go on and check it out....


Seven is sometimes considered as a mystical and
magical number because of the biblical seven
days of creation, and the seven heavenly bodies
of ancient astronomy (i.e. The Sun, Moon,
Mercury, Venus, Mars, Saturn, and Jupiter; they
hadn't seen the others yet). You are
understanding, perceptive and bright, and enjoy
hard work and challenges. You are often
serious, scholarly, and interested in all
things mysterious. Originality and imagination
are more important to you than money and
material possessions. However, you can also be
pessimistic, sarcastic, and insecure. Please
rate my quiz.

What does your name and arithmacy say about you? (some simple knowledge of adding is required on your part)
brought to you by Quizilla

08:10pm 07/04/2004
  Today i went to Lacey Township and went out to eat with Mike and niki. we went to the chinese buffet ymmmmm... It was good... then Mike dropped nikki and i at Seans house where Brittney, Nicole, Joey and Will were here and then we waiting for Craig and his friend to come over.... Then Stephanie came over... i listened to them play music, played sega, and rested and thats all i have to say right now ill write in here when i get home.  
A Day late   
10:05am 02/04/2004
mood: crappy

Happy Aprils Fools Day!!!! im not that much in a good mood today.... im in 4th period and i really dont want to be here ... i hate schoool  ... i dont really tlk to anyone that i know and like and hang out with in and out of school.... only one person Sean of course... im thinking about going to Baltimore for spring break i mean what else is there to do right? i miss everyone done there anyway i just got to call my Dad and ask him to met half way .... that is going to be a loud of fun....Iwas thinking from the way i was like a year ago and the way i am now is so fucking different i mean in a way im proud of myself i quit all the partying that i did. Im with one Guy that i love(SEAN) ... i always did good in school so thats not new.... i have a job but im getting another one... it just seems like life is supposed to be good , joyful and fun but its not i mean i have fun with sean and being with him makes me happy as hell but when im not with him i dont do anything i have no friends and its like wow wtf i just realized this now... i really dont have friends that i enjoy being with ... i lost Valeene, lacey and all the people that were cool as hell to hang out with and now i dont have that anymore and fucking sucks i need to make friends that i actually like not just talk to because of whatever reason .... i dont know ... maybe i should just shut up i only have about 2 years left of high school and  i can see Danielle and Becca and Steve and Micah, Abe , Kayla everyone from back home and i can bring Sean along to ... thats when it will be the highlight of my life .... cause i dont like anyone here the way i love my friends from baltimore besides Sean lol!



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08:38pm 18/03/2004
mood: sleepy

THis is from a quiz a took ... and im that Smashing Pumpkins Cd
Sean got another cd something dream i forgot and i dont want to look it up
well im gonna go ... there might be no school because of snow tomorrow Yeah !!!!
i love it
Happy holiday!!!!   
10:10am 17/03/2004

Happy St. Patrick's Day

     Im Irish Kiss Me

10:02am 17/03/2004
mood: mellow

Hey im in school... Again and todays isn't really that nice... yesterday i didn't go to school and when i came back today people were ignoring me so whatever... some reason i dont really give a shit ....

 i watched emma (my neice) on saturday awww she is so beautidul i bought her a stuff animal a bunny (purple) and i held her she feel asleep in my arms for about 20 min a think it was so sweet.

i saw Secret Window with sean on Friday. It was a really good movie i enjoyed it alot. Oh i bought the book the next day lol when i was at the mall and a got a Door poster of course it had jim morrison on it :) And i also got another shirt with jim morrison on it thats about it..

Sunday i saw Sean i stayed at his house and then we walked to mine getting there about 9 and we watched The Sopranos then we dropped him home thats all i did that day well to sum it up.

Mon i worked 5-9 and sean came over that day and left at 4:30... yesterday i did nothing and today is the new day ill tell you wat happened later 

10:24am 12/03/2004
  Hey im in school right now and the bell is about to ring i need to fix my journal up more it is sooo plain which pisses me off school is good so far and i have had a million test to day well im out i gotta go in like 5 min and i dont want to stay much longer after the bell.  
05:16pm 09/03/2004
mood: thankful

Im in a Good mood right now... i just changed the backround to Angelina yummy lol shes so gorgous<3 School went okay but it was pretty boring and slow ... more shit about Sam... some people told me shes in jail or whatever i kinda feel bad for her i mean shes so fucked up with all the shit she is doing... i shouldn't feel bad but i used to be really close to her so i guess thats why?

Anyway Sean and I are really happy ... and i love him allot. i dont want to move, i want to stay with him. :(  I have to pick a song for us that he likes to so we are going for the Deftones album and choosing out of that... im listening to all the Goo Goo Dolls songs i have in this computer theyre ok...

 I took off of work today because i couldn't get a ride and im not going to walk in this shitty weather. so i called and told them thats the 3rd time i called out im going to quit anyway i been working to much and they wont take off some of my hours so fuck them ill find another job....

I cant wait to go to Washington i miss Becca and everyone else allot. Baltimore is so boring without them lol!

Im gonna go and soon go nap alil im tired bye

<3 Muah